All I had to do was jump, so I did.

Photo by Martino Pietropoli on Unsplash

Answering the question have you thought about committing suicide is always tricky for me to answer. The answer is always “well, not really.” I have never arrived at the point of planning my suicide. But on down days while driving my car, I’ve thought about how easy it would be to cross the center line in front of the oncoming tractor-trailer. To end it all, be done with it. Sometimes I get tired of the struggle. But then I think about all the things I still want to do and see. There is still a lot of life to live…

Gender socialization determines how we access the clues

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

It’s a Friday evening in February, and it’s cold and dark. I am driving around a part of Albuquerque I am not familiar with, and I’m very nervous. What am I doing? Am I crazy? Is this really me? These questions are running around in my head while trying to find address numbers and street names, and there are only a few street lamps. Still, they are not anywhere close to the intersections. I’m trying to read the address and directions I wrote on a post-it note, but they’re challenging to read in the dark. I am looking for a…

thank you for your response. The desire for inclusion is real but full transition especially at my age is probably not achievable, too many years of male socialization to unpack. No matter that I am perceived to be a woman as soon as I open my mouth guys talk to me like a guy and women talk to me in a more neutral tone. Apparently looking like a woman is not enough. Living the life of a visible trans woman was the objective to further the cause of social acceptance of the trans identity it is not helping my emotional part of my transition.

Transition does not guarantee assimilation

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Itis just another day of work at the fulfillment center, placing orders in boxes, printing, then adhering shipping labels on them. Standing at one station and repeating the same task over and over again for roughly ten hours can be very monotonous. There is music blaring out of a couple of speakers. Somebody must have a favorite Spotify channel; I hear the same songs played all four days of my work week.

Having worked here for less than sixty days, I haven’t made many friends. But I am lucky today. …

Comments I hear after I mention I am Mexican

Photo taken by author May 2016

Actually, I am Mexican American, LatinX, or, as I frequently say, “Tex-Mex.” I have been living in New Hampshire for four years, and I work in its largest city, Manchester, as a hair cutter at a chain salon. On a typical day, I average eighteen people who sit in my chair. I have a few regulars that know my name; to everyone else, I introduce myself by first name only. I am light-skinned with copper colored hair, a color that comes from a tube. People generally assume I am White.

Customers often ask if I’m from the south. They say…

Answering the questions they always ask

Photo by andrew welch on Unsplash

As a visible working trans woman, whether I am the stylist that just got hired or a new stylist is hired, inevitably I am asked questions. It is still common that the new stylist coming in or the team of stylists I am joining has either never met or worked with a trans person.

Since I am most often the first trans woman they have met or are getting to know up close and personal, they assume I will answer their questions.They usually start slow; they ask for permission to ask questions. Some are not shy about asking. Others, I…

Jas Martinez

Trans Woman living life as it comes. Reader, writer and teller of stories.

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